How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust?

While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.

EditSteps

1. 1
   

    Could it be love?
   Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies,holding hands, annoying, snoring, gorgeous, etc.
1. 
   2
   Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love. For example, if you put down "Out of reach" you'd circle it with yellow, if you put "sexy" or "making out" you'd circle it with red, and if you put "My future" or "love" then you'd circle it with green.
2. 3
   See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (as if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
3. 4
   

    Or is it lust?
   Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
4. 5
   Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
5. 6
   Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about loveand leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust, infatuation and, eventually, pure, true, self-sacrificing love) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet, understand that movies are fictions that depict idealized rather than realistic love.
6. 7
   Love is all about the little things. When you are really, truly, in love, you don't feel the need to dress up for them. The most important thing is being with them. Butterflies are not usually present in love. You should not feel nervous when you really love someone. Love means you connect with them spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. And love means differences, disagreements, and arguing (but not fighting) because who wants to be with someone who is the same as they are? You feel refreshed when you are with them, but not necessarily weak when you are away from them. If you think about them all the time, always, it is probably lust or infatuation, not love. The most important thing you should consider is, can I say 'I love you' and truly mean it?

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EditTips

• Love is usually pure and a feeling that is mildly possessive but with lots of care, too; infatuation can be detected easily, when a persons says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, makeany eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy. You'll know you are infatuated when you can't think of ANY faults of that person. Everyone's got faults; KNOWING his doesn't make your love "less pure". Lust can be known if your "love" shifts easily from one person to another, and is usually expressed through short physical/emotional (but mostly physical) relationships.
• Love is when you love the whole person (spirit, heart, mind and body), lust is when you only love part of them, which means that you see only part of the person as having value and that the whole person is not valuable.
• Love and Infatuation are often the hardest to distinguish from one another. It may take several months, or longer, to see whether infatuation will turn into love or fizzle out. Give yourselves time and let the relationship progress naturally.
• Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
• To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.
• Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
• Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
• Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
• A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
• Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
• Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
• Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)
• Consider what comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, what do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. If you want to be with them, learn about them, and maybe someday have a sexual relationship, you are probably in a good mix of all three.

EditWarnings

• If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly, introspect. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?

• You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person. Just know that lust is NOT a good thing when it comes to the interest of only one person in the relationship.

• Romantic love is not an "eternal truth of the universe" for all relationships. As a concept, romantic love has only been in practice for a few hundred years. Don't assume that it is a requirement for a happy life long relationship, or that the most effective environment for finding such love is by dating. You may never feel 'in love' with the person who might be the perfect mate. You might just have someone who you decided you would like to make it work with. 'Love' or 'no love', both types of relationships require work to make them last.

Keep reality within your reach, although it sounds pessimistic, remember and don't lose sight of warning signs from past relationships, this does not mean you should become totally freaky and suspicious, but don't fall into a tryst either.

Sometimes,...reading a warning sign can prevent your new relationship from plunging into the same pattern you associated with a previous one that brought unhappiness.

When you meet someone and they seem perfect, look for their imperfections and mentally note yours, note what they do that makes you afraid, happy, sad, worried, elated, confused, uncertain, excited, doubtful, giggle, wanted and calm.

Love is a complex thing, it does not thrive in chaos, so look for the things that make you feel calm and at the same time, when you are apart, don't just sit on the phone like a dweeb, ponder on those areas that are not so positive and work out why you feel that way, then change assertively to move into the future with that relationship, in simple terms, if you are dating someone who seems aloof, then don't just be aloof too, find out why they are by exercising some patience, and once you determine why, its either good or bad you should decide if you are going to go right on and hog your own time and space and adapt an elementary approach to it all. That means not giving more than you may get.

This is a harsh way of looking at a relationship, but actually, someone who notices that you don't get het up about the things they do such as being wary or slow to get involved and start to be a drama queen or king will take the time to decide if they really want to be around you because you are not pursuing them or frantically chasing them.

Learning about a person can open up your mind to their own past experience which can of course make them less inclined to trust themselves to another person, you can't change that, but they can earn your respect, adoration and trust, if you just let the person take their own time to know you.

I don't really think love is a real thing, but I think you can adopt a feeling of caring, adoration, acceptance, defending and supporting someone which should be mutual if you are in a loving relationship. Each person will always be different, but there will be the common ground where you can both see something in a normal way.

It is not universal, but shy away from clones of past unhappiness, i.e a chain of behaviour that is definitely designed to disintegrate your quiet world or your focussed life or your priorities, to love someone, their world, life, priorities become a part of yours but your issues are still there, you share them maybe.....discuss them maybe...or you keep them to yourself, but that person will inevitably be able to read how you feel and what you want and need and will not be in a hurry to judge you and jump in like a bull in a china shop.

Finally, be harsh on yourself, take on the whole love thing....yes..but remember you got your own personality, your own problems and your own situation, you have got to deal with that all the time, whether the person you think may love you, or who says they do, is there or not and that is your priority and your problem, after that..you can worry about the other person or if you do both at the same time, don't be a stuffed toy, oPeN your eYeS!! love is not blind.

Its a harsh way of looking at it, but culturally I am an idol, if you cannot worship me, don't break me, dont smash me, dont abuse me or taunt me, leave me and the bounty those who worship me have brought me and don't diminish from me......and although that is rather rhetoric....add on to it ....just because a dog drank from the river, it does not mean it has become so muddy that no good can come from it or indeed that no one else may drink of it.

So.....may we all find that person that we can live with, cope with, adapt to, grow to love, feel butterflies for even when we are wrinkled!